Resolving Adult-Elder Family Conflicts

The downturn in our country’s economic health can affect older adults, their families and their caregivers in unexpected ways.

A significant change in the financial strength of retirees’ assets may impact caregiving options. Although available money for in-home care or for a planned move to an assisted-living facility may be significantly reduced, the need for a higher level of service may still be evident. Conflict is a natural outcome when people are forced to change. When change is forced upon us, it is important that we find ways to manage conflict so that everyone can embrace the changes in harmony. Families may be forced to re-evaluate viable alternatives. How can older adults’ needs be met effectively, while curtailing expenses and appropriately making other family adjustments?

…Perhaps one of the children (or grandchildren or nieces/nephews…) recently lost their job, making them available to provide care directly. This relative may even desire to move in with the elder-in-need. But – just because a family member is available, is this person the right caregiver? Does he understand what is required? Or might she provide inadequate care or ignore, inappropriately influence or even abuse the elder? How are these decisions made and what if everyone does not agree? Are other family members able to discuss these issues or do these changes just happen?

…Perhaps a family member who has been providing the bulk of the caregiving activities now finds it necessary to take on a second job, limiting time available to care for the elder. Who can pick up the extra slack? If the family cannot afford to hire regular caregivers, what other options might available? Can other family member step up and provide care? What if everyone else in the family lives far away and/or already overextended? Can the family make these decisions in a proactive way or is it more like “management by crisis”?

Perhaps your parent and a friend have decided to become roommates to reduce costs. Maybe your mother has offered to rent out the extra bedroom to someone she just met! What if family members disagree – some family members are relieved that Mom won’t be alone, yet others recognize potential danger? Do family members have the skills and the desire necessary to have these difficult conversations?

Such changes should prompt heartfelt family discussions. Some families are well-equipped with lots of trust and good communication skills. However, when everyone is already stressed over their own situations, such discussions can erupt into family disagreements about obligation and duty, guilt and money. These can be challenging times for even the best of families. There are some things that you can do to help yourselves survive these times.

We recommend these tips for maintaining a peaceful environment:

• Show respect for each other — let each person have an opportunity to share their ideas and concerns

• Have an open mind — agree that times are tough and creative options may need to be considered

• Maintain composure – avoid hysterical reactions so that all parties can stay focused

• Don’t hesitate to present your ideas and thoughts – sharing any suggestions will help you to feel involved

• Stay positive – remember that you are all inter-connected

• Keep your sense of humor-these are not easy times but a little well-placed humor can go a long way to help everyone keep their perspective.

Even in the best of times, families may not always be able to speak with each other effectively. This becomes more difficult during tough times. It may seem easier to avoid these issues, yet “sweeping things under the carpet” may prove harmful.

When conflicts persist and productive communication is not happening, an elder mediator may be able to help the family resolve issues by facilitating difficult conversations. As an impartial third-party, a mediator helps the group establish ground rules that ensure that all parties respect each other and have a chance to share their thoughts. Disagreements may stem from misunderstandings about the need for care, the cost of care or the options for care. Through the elder mediation process, new ideas are often generated that consider everyone’s concerns. Elder mediators are well-versed in issues that affect families/older adults and can offer clarification and/or direction to appropriate resources, as appropriate.

Article by Debbie Reinberg

Having an Advance Care Plan in Place

The United States population is rapidly aging. According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), by 2030, the number of Americans aged 65 and older will more than double to 71 million older Americans, comprising roughly 20 percent of the U.S. population.

Many chronic diseases unfortunately can eventually exhaust all reasonable medical approaches and the patient and family must then navigate this final but important stage of life. Heart failure is one of those chronic diseases which can lead to the need for end-of-life discussions including an advance care plan. The Heart Failure Society of America (HFSA) has put together information on advance care planning to provide not only grace and dignity for the patient, but to help ease the burden of the family.

A good place to start is with an understanding of what such a plan entails. It is basically a written document that helps you ensure that your health care is customized to reflect your personal preferences and health needs, as well as meet your social, cultural and religious requirements. Important things to consider include:

• Whether you want to be resuscitated if your heart stops beating;

• If you want to be placed on a ventilator if you can’t breathe on your own; and

• How you want pain relieved if it develops.

“Discussing end of life issues is not exactly something any of us wants to bring up, but telling people what you want before you become incapacitated ensures that your wishes will be carried out, and protects your family from having to deal with the burden of second guessing whether or not you’d agree with their decisions,” says Barry H. Greenberg, MD, president, Heart Failure Society of America (HFSA), a non-profit organization of health care professionals and researchers who are dedicated to enhancing the quality and duration of life for patients with heart failure and preventing the condition for those at risk.

The HFSA has put together a booklet (Advance Care Planning) focusing on end-of-life issues. This information, which targets heart failure patients, can also be applied to other chronic medical conditions. The booklet explains, in easy to read and understand detail, the various components of an advance care plan, and how to put one together. These include:

• An advance care directive — This document will provide clear evidence of your wishes regarding treatment and can include a living will, a durable health care power of attorney and a statement about organ donation.

• A do-not-resuscitate order — This directive made by you or your family in consultation with the doctor, tells doctors, nurses and other rescue personnel what they should or should not do when a person stops breathing or when their heart beats so irregularly as to threaten life or stops beating entirely. A do-not-resuscitate order can include instructions on whether to use different types of methods to revive a person.

• A living will — This legal document lets a person who is unable to participate in decisions about their medical care to express their wishes about life-sustaining treatment. A living will is usually used during a terminal illness when a person is unable to communicate; it lets you set limits on what is done to you regarding the use of medical treatments such as CPR, blood transfusions, mechanical breathing, surgery, antibiotics, kidney dialysis and invasive measures to provide nutrition and fluids.

• A health care power of attorney — This allows someone you designate to make all heath care decisions for you, including the decision to refuse life-sustaining treatment if you are unable to make the decision for yourself. You can give someone a general power of attorney or you can limit their decision-making to certain issues by including instructions about your care. For example, you can specify preferences regarding particular treatments such as tube feeding, intravenous fluids and organ donation if you have not covered those subjects in a living will.

• A financial plan — You and your family may have concerns about paying for medicines, doctor and hospital bills and other types of health care. A financial plan can help you deal with these issues and also provide for your family.

Once you’ve pulled these materials together, you may wish to consult a lawyer to help you ensure that the plan meets your individual wishes and state legal requirements. And be sure that your family knows and understands your wishes for care.

Discussing these issues now will make implementing them easier when that becomes necessary. To order a copy of the brochure, or access any of the other educational materials put together by the Heart Failure Society of America, log on to Abouthf.org.

Article courtesy of ARAcontent

Baby Boomer Grandparents

Baby boomers seem to be ever youthful. They also have a great passion for living. They seem to have arrived on earth with a vision and a mission of creating a different type of society. Baby boomers have exhibited immense initiative in all aspects of life, and their activities have had a great impact on American society, so much so that the America of today does not even remotely resemble the America of the fifties or sixties.

Life has challenged baby boomers in a number of ways. Baby boomer parents created a different type of bond with their children. They participated in the lives of their kids more than any generation of the past. Baby boomer parents tried to be not only a parent, but also best friends to their children. Though the results of this are not completely positive, children did value family life and emulate the qualities of their parents much more than the younger generations of the past did. For baby boomers, parenting was a great mission.

When baby boomers became grandparents, they understood the meaning of having grandchildren. This generation, which had resisted the onset of adulthood itself, must have found it difficult indeed to accept the realities of aging. However, they quickly accepted the roles of wise and kind grandparents. They played a great role not only in the lives of their grandchildren, but also in the lives of their children by offering their insight and guidance on various matters related to life.

Children view grandparents differently. They love grandparents and enjoy any opportunity to visit them even if it is for the simple reason that grandmother had baked a fresh batch of cookies. Sitting on grandfathers lap and listening to his stories or simply enjoying his company is a part of childhood that all children enjoy and cherish in their memories when they grow up. Even baby boomer grandparents enjoy these moments of intimacy with their grandchildren.

Somebody had once written a book titled If I Knew Being a Grandparent Was This Much Fun, I Would Have Done it First. In many ways, being a grandparent is a much more fulfiling experience than being a parent. Children enjoy listening to the wise words of their grandparents. Life with grandparents also makes them feel secure, something that life with parents doesn’t. On the laps of grandparents, grandchildren learn that it is possible to achieve success in life and that the fun does not cease even when you are old and a grandparent. Children inuitively know that there a number of life values and lessons to be learnt on the laps of grandparents. Throughout their lives, they nurture the lessons thus learned from an elderly person.

Baby boomers enjoy this new role just as they enjoyed their role as parents. They accepted the challenge of parenthood with a passion that almost redefined the concept of parenting. They have brought that same passion to their role as grandparents. Baby boomers can transmit their passion for life, their love and commitment for family life to their children and grandchildren. Thus they become the greatest gift a child can ever have, a wise grandpa and grandma who not only love them, but are also great fun to be with.

As baby boomer grandparents, the time you spend with your grandchildren is a wonderful time to pass on the wisdom of half a century to the younger generation. Children need their parents guidance and knowledge; simultaneously, parents also tend to be teachers and strict disciplinarians. Relationship with grandparents is much easier and stress free, and children can really open themselves to their grandparents. No wonder they view grandparents as sources of love and wisdom.

Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

Over 2 million grandparents in the US are raising their grandchildren. While there may be much joy and satisfaction, there are also many challenges that grandparents face.

Legal Status

You need to look into your legal status when you are raising a grandchild. Without legal protection, you may have a hard time getting healthcare, schooling, or financial assistance. Some legal options include adoption, legal custody, or guardianship.

Adoption: Adoption cuts off all of the birth parents’ rights and responsibilities. The grandparent becomes the parent in the eyes of the law.

Legal custody: When you get a custody order from the court, you are responsible for the child’s day-to-day care. Custody is granted based on the best interests of the child. A custody order is never permanent. The parents continue to have legal rights, such as the right to visit the child – unless a judge denies or limits the visits. You may still need parent’s permission to make medical decisions or to enroll the child in school. Parents could regain custody again some day.

Guardianship: Being a legal guardian allows you to make important decisions for the child. You can enroll the child in school and give permission for a doctor to treat the child. A birth parent can go to court and ask for the guardianship to be ended. If this happens, the care and custody of the child is returned to the parent. Ask a lawyer to help you decide what legal status is best for you and your grandchild.

Finances

The costs of raising grandchildren will affect your finances. It may change plans you have made for yourself such as retirement or vacations.

Government assistance may help cover food, housing, clothing, and mental healthcare. For example, your grandchildren may be eligible to receive a Social Security if they have a disability or if their parent has died. Your grandchild may qualify for your state’s Children’s Health Insurance Program. He or she may be eligible to get money from your state’s Temporary Assistance for Needy Families program.

Each state has their own programs for assisting children. Contact the state Department of Human Services or Social Services to find out what is available in your area. It is important to look into programs that can help with financial burdens. Using up savings and trying to work while caring for young children can be a strain that many grandparents cannot manage for long.

Housing

Your home may seem too crowded after grandkids move in. Some apartments and senior communities do not allow young children. You may need to move or look into other options to best meet the needs of your new living situation.

Education

Check with your local school to find out how to enroll your grandchild. Some states won’t let you enroll a child unless you have legal custody or guardianship. In other states, you only need to show that your grandchild lives with you. After your grandchild is enrolled, get to know the child’s teacher.

Health

Children need regular check-ups and immunizations. Many times, children may have mental or physical health problems that need special care. You may be able to get help from your state’s Medicaid program. Medicaid pays heath care bills for people with low incomes.

You also need to take care of your own health. Take time each day to relax. Get regular checkups and take your prescribed medicines. Ask for help from friends and relatives. Join a support group.

Dealing with birth parents

Depending on the situation, you may be very angry and have lost respect for your child. It may not be easy to help your own child while trying to take over the care of your grandchildren. However, for the sake of your grandchild, try to keep the lines of communication open to the parents. If there is concern about harm to your grandchild, make sure that you take precautions and follow the court’s orders to allow only supervised visits. Do not put your grandchild at risk.

Dealing with kids

The children may worry about their parents, feel guilty because they fear that they caused the parent’s problems, or be scared that something might happen to you.

You may feel sorry for your grandchildren. It may be hard to say “no” or set limits. Or you may feel like you have to be stricter than you were with your child, so that your grandchildren will not have the same problems. You may wonder where you will find the energy to help children with their school work or to attend school activities.

The main thing to remember is that there are organizations and people who understand what you’re going through and want to help.

Ways to Remain Connected During Retirement

One of your biggest fears of retirement may not be giving up the hustle and bustle of the working world but remaining socially connected. After all, with your coworkers, you have likely made some close personal friendships. You likely treasure them and consider them as closer (if not closer) than your family members and other friends outside the work force.

Well, we’re here to tell you that you don’t need to feel this way. You can still maintain these friendships and develop new friendships as well. You can stay socially connected during retirement and don’t have to alienate yourself. To do so, you simply have to be willing to put forth the effort. In this article, we’ll discuss 10 proven ways to stay connected during retirement.

• Stay in touch with ex-colleagues  There’s no getting around it, your coworkers are important to you and therefore you should stay connected to them. Make sure that you contact them by phone or meet your friends for lunch dates. Not only will this keep your connection strong but it will also ensure that you remain up to date on past work happenings and keep your friends from work.

• Create meaningful relationships  Besides ex colleagues, now is the time to create new meaningful relationships. To do this, you should connect with family, friends and neighbors too. Perhaps you can engage in after-retirement activities that will enable you to improve these relationships.

• Foster relationship with your spouse  Now that you’re retired, you should have more time to spend with your spouse. Take some time to get romantic with them. See if the two of you can re-spark a flame or perhaps develop mutual interests.

• Build a strong social network  This can be accomplished by volunteering at your favorite non profit organization, enrolling in a class, or joining a group.

• Join clubs  You can connect with like-minded people by joining a club or a social group. Just make sure that it is an actitivy that you would enjoy and will get excited about.

• Participate in community service  You can remain connected to people of various dimensions by assisting with some community service projects. For instance, perhaps you can arrange to clean up the parks on Earth Day or participate in the Why Me Cancer Walk.

• Participate in volunteer work  Join a worthy cause to be in touch with people. Try to help the deprived and lesser privileged. Alternatively, you can spread awareness about the burning issues that concern people around you. It will be an enriching experience for you too.

• Explore a hobby  In exploring this hobby, join a group of people who also have this interest such as a knitting club or ski club. This will increase your interaction with people with similar interests.

• Re-educate yourself  Participate in classes that you can learn something new with other people. Make sure that you keep a positive and friendly attitude and you’ll meet new people all the time.

• Connect with family  This is a wonderful way to remain connected with your children, and your grand children, with whom you may not have fostered a close relationship during your working life. You can’t start any sooner, so cease the moment right now and you’ll be happy that you took the time.

In conclusion, you can remain connected during retirement. You simply have to be willing to connect with family, re-educate yourself, join a hobby, participate in community service activities, volunteer, join clubs, build a new network, stay in touch with ex-colleagues, foster relationships with your spouse, connect with family, and create meaningful relationships.

Article by Dr. Cynthia Barnett 

Elder Abuse Resources – Protect Family & Friends

Elder abuse resources are designed in to assist those who have fallen victim, or know a relative who has fallen victim, to elder neglect. There are a number of situations which would qualify as such. Abuse can occur not only through another’s actions, but also through lack of actions, or neglect, when it comes to caring for a partially or fully incapacitated person. Every year, tens of thousands of individuals in the United States alone are subjected to abuse, if not more. Authorities are made aware of hundreds of thousands of reports, while it is estimated that as many as half a million more cases are not reported to authorities annually.

Elderly individuals can make easy targets due to their general fragility and the fact that they are less likely to fight back against their attackers. Additionally, many do not see or hear as well as they once did. It is possible that they may question what is occurring to them, but they may not be able to vocalize their abuse or neglect to others. They are, generally speaking, less likely to stand up for themselves when compared to younger individuals who may experience being bullied. In most cases, individuals who are mistreated are done so by the very person or persons who are in charge of their care. It most often takes place where the individual lives, such as in their home or at an assisted living facility. If mistreatment is suspected, there are resources that may be utilized to assist in helping catch the culprit(s) and stop the mistreatment.

Maltreatment can take many different forms. However, if you understand the type there are more specific resources to be considered. Such ill-treatment can take the form of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. There is also neglect or abandonment on the part of the caregiver(s), financial exploitation, and healthcare fraud or healthcare cruelty. While general signs of mistreatment include frequent arguments between the affected individual and their caregiver or changes in the personality of the affected person.

There are also more specific signs of elder cruelty as categorized by each potential form of abuse. Many online resources offer a complete listing of symptoms on their websites, broken down by the type of mistreatment which may be taking place. Identifying suspected violence is the first step to getting the victim help, which makes online resources very valuable.

Some help is readily available. For example, it is important to report suspicions to the effected victim’s family,

physician or a personal friend who may be able to help. It is suggested that if an individual suspects mistreatment, they should inform, at the very least, one other person. Ignoring or attempting to rationalize it away will not help the person in danger. State information pamphlets can be helpful in your time of need. Generally an organization can be contacted nationally on an 800 number. U.S. Administration on Aging offers several resources and guidelines to helping determine and deal with violence and neglect.

In many states throughout the US, the first agency that is designed to respond to situations such as these is Adult Protective Services. The power and scope of actions which Adult Protective Services can offer varies from state to state, since there is no federally structured organization in place. Each state has its own phone number to contact APS.

Once violence is found to have occurred, there are a number of agencies which can assist in the aftermath of such trauma. If you find yourself in the position of taking care of an older family member or friend, then it is wise to gather your elder abuse resources. You never know when you might need to call upon others recommendations and advice.

Easing the Burden for Loved Ones

It’s a difficult subject to bring up. No one likes to think about the time when they’ll no longer be here. But truth be told, everyone will need a funeral some day. Without planning ahead, they can be stressful, expensive and filled with disagreements. Or you can create a celebration of life where loved ones come together to reflect on a life well lived, without the pressure of quick decisions and worries about expense.

How can you accomplish this? Through preplanning, which allows you not only the opportunity to create the type of memorial and burial that fits your beliefs and preferences, but to also put your family first by taking away the anxiety caused by guessing what you might have wanted. Planning a life celebration is a priceless gift of security, compassion and care for those we love.

Under a cloud of sorrow and time constraints, family members are often overwhelmed and uncertain of the decisions that need to be made: Did Dad want a traditional funeral or did he want to be cremated and have his ashes scattered at the lake? What music would Mom want played? Who will preside at the service? Making the dozens of decisions that arise when someone passes away can be nerve-racking.

Another point to consider is that family members often have differing ideas and opinions that can escalate during such an emotional and exhausting time. And in today’s world of blended families, preplanning can save children, step-children and extended family from disagreements about which cemetery, who will read a eulogy and who pays for what.

“While no one likes to contemplate their own death, it is an important topic,” says Guideon Richeson, funeral director and general manager of Lake View Memorial Gardens and Funeral Home in Fairview Heights, Ill. “Having those final arrangements taken care of is a gift to your family — and yourself. It’s the best way to ensure that things are taken care of in the manner you wish.”

In an effort to “make the right choice,” loved ones often spend far more for products and services than they normally would. When the wishes of a loved one are known, family and friends may be prevented from emotional over-spending in their rush to “pick something nice.” Planning ahead enables comparison shopping without time constraints, facilitates the family discussion of important final arrangement decisions and removes some of the burden from loved ones.

One of the best ways to preplan is to sit down and put your thoughts in writing. Look for a fill-in-the-blank guide that will lead you through all the decisions that need to be made and provide a place for important information, such as the Personal Planning Guide from the Dignity Memorial network of funeral and cemetery providers. Offered free of charge, it provides space for couples or individuals to record detailed instructions regarding funeral and cemetery preferences as well as areas to document vital statistics, estate planning information and military service.

Seven Things Everyone Should Know About Planning a Funeral

1. Be informed about the choices available
Arranging a funeral or cremation service can seem complicated, but there’s always someone who can help you. Funeral directors are trained professionals who can be a vital and supportive resource for you. They can explain all the options available and help you make informed decisions and guide you though the process.

2. Plan ahead
At a time of loss, there are many practical decisions that need to be made. Unfortunately, this is often the time when we’re least able to approach the subject rationally. It makes sense to find a funeral director you can trust, before it becomes necessary.

3. Decide the final disposition
Selecting burial, mausoleum entombment or cremation is a very personal decision. Discussion of your choice with family and documentation is essential. Whatever you choose, government forms, fees and the organization of a memorial service will fall to your loved ones without preplanning. For ease and peace of mind, choose a funeral home, such as a Dignity Memorial network provider, that will walk you through all the necessary arrangements.

4. Find out what government benefits are available
To find out your exact Social Security benefits, call (800) 772-1213 or go to www.ssa.gov. Veterans may be eligible for a burial allowance from the Department of Veterans Affairs. You can contact them at (800) 827-1000 or online at www.cem.va.gov/benvba.htm.

5. Don’t be afraid to ask about prices
The cost of arranging a funeral can vary greatly between companies. Be careful to choose a funeral home that presents its prices — the cost of the casket or urn, transportation fees, preparation charges, as well as other professional services — clearly and simply.

6. Funeral or cremation service arrangements need to be documented
Many people think everything is taken care of by having a will and a living trust, but those documents only cover medical treatment and financial affairs. You should make sure that your wishes are shared in writing with several people you trust: family members, friends and your funeral director. The Personal Planning Guide provided by the Dignity Memorial network of funeral and cemetery providers walks you through the process of documenting your wishes and compiling important personal and financial information.

7. Consider prepaying.
If you decide to prepay for funeral or cremation service arrangements, be sure to let your family know. Also, keep your prearrangement documents in a safe place. Check with your bank before placing copies in a safe deposit box to ensure the box will not be sealed at the time of death.

Article courtesy of ARA Content

Reconnect With Long Lost Friends

Ever wonder what happened to the girl you took to the sweetheart dance, the guy you always wished had asked you out or your childhood best friend? How about your high school’s senior class president or the class clown? Whether it has been five years, fifty years or somewhere in between since you graduated, you can soon find out by attending a class reunion.

Just ask Lee Moorhead of South Hampton, N.Y., a reunion aficionado and planner. She attended as many of them as she could after graduating from Holy Family High, a Catholic School in Union City, N.J., in 1948. “I loved reconnecting with all my old friends and finding out what they were up to,” she says.

But Moorhead didn’t think she’d ever see any of her old friends again after the school shut down in 1972. “They stopped doing reunions once the school closed,” she adds.

Moorhead had put the idea of ever finding any of her former school friends again until one day a banner ad flashed on her computer screen. It was from Classmates.com, an online community with more than 40 million members that has been a leader in online social networking since 1995.

“I thought to myself, what the heck and joined. Right away, I was able to reconnect with a girl who had been one of my best friends during my school days,” says Moorhead. “Not only did I connect with her, but I sent e-mails to 12 other Holy Family grads who were on Classmates.com, and before I knew it, we were planning a reunion.”

Each of the 13 grads involved in the original conversation contacted everyone they knew who had attended the school, and the people they told contacted others. A total of 770 Holy Family grads attended that first reunion in 2000. The 2004 reunion was just as popular and plans are in the works for another one in 2008.

Chances are good that members of your class are also in the planning stages of your next reunion right now, and if you had to venture a guess, what would you think is the most time consuming part of the job? “It’s not booking the venue or planning the activities, but tracking down the whereabouts of the impending guests,” says Moorhead, who points out that all you have to do to spread the word about an upcoming reunion is set up a message board on the Classmates.com Web site, let a few people know you’ve posted the information and word of mouth will do the rest of the work for you.

“The Internet has become so prevalent in our culture, that just about everyone has access to it these days, so what better tool could there possibly be to bring people together?” asks Classmates.com relationships expert Dennie Hughes.

If you want to get the most benefit possible out of your upcoming reunion before it happens, here’s what to do:

• Spend some time with your old yearbooks to reacquaint yourself with those old friends you’ll be seeing again.

• Send an e-mail to people you care about the most so you can make plans to enjoy quality time together at the reunion. Sometimes smaller groups are better.

• And afterwards, don’t just promise to stay in touch. Follow through by creating and sharing an online photo album with easy-to-use services.

Article courtesy of ARAcontent

Tips for Seniors to Overcome Loneliness

(ARA)  For millions of seniors, loneliness can have a very serious affect on their physical and mental health; but there are many ways to overcome loneliness and improve their quality of life.

Emotional isolation is linked to elevated blood pressure in seniors, a 2006 University of Chicago study indicated. Lonely seniors have blood pressure readings up to 30 points higher than their socially connected peers, regardless of race, sex or other health factors, researchers found. Loneliness is also closely linked to depression, with more than 2 million of the nation’s 64 million seniors suffering some form.

“Approximately 8.8 million seniors were living alone in America 17 years ago, according to the 1990 U. S. Census,” says Scott Perry, president of Bankers Life and Casualty Company, a national insurance company that specializes in serving the senior market. “The 2000 Census showed that number had climbed to 9.7 million. Experts agree it’s reasonable to expect the number of seniors living alone will continue to grow. Maintaining strong social networks can help seniors stay healthier longer, and enhance the overall quality of their lives as well.”

Older Americans are more prone to experience the kind of life changes that place them at greater risk for loneliness, including:

• Death of their spouse, relatives and friends;
• Retirement; * Illness;
• Decreased physical mobility;
• Loss of the ability to drive; and
• Intentional reductions in their social networks to include only those who the senior feels close to.

Fortunately, there are many ways in which seniors, even those with significantly curtailed mobility, can prevent and combat loneliness. Finding the right mode of social interaction for you, can improve your health as well as your enjoyment of life.

Proven loneliness-fighting strategies include:

• Volunteering — Volunteers live longer, have higher functional ability, lower rates of depression and less incidence of heart disease, according to a study by the Corporation for National and Community Service. In particular, research shows that seniors age 65 and older who volunteer had significantly lower rates of depression than their non-volunteering peers.

“The life changes that come with age can easily make us feel isolated and less useful than we felt when we were working and raising our families,” Perry notes. “For those who are physically able, volunteering is a great way to connect with new people and renew your sense of purpose in life.”

• Joining Social and Support Groups — Social interaction with people who have similar interests, or face similar challenges, not only combats loneliness, but can be a way to build new friendships as well. If your community has a senior center (and most can provide transportation assistance), take advantage of its programs and facilities. Call your local recreation or senior services department to learn what’s available in your area.

• Connecting to Others on the Internet — The number of seniors using the Internet more than doubled between 2000 and 2004. Seniors who face mobility challenges can find others with similar interests through a variety of resources and Web sites directed at seniors on the Internet. Technology providers continue to develop products to make it easier for seniors to use the Internet, such as large-button keyboards and voice recognition software. Asking for help to get online can also be a great way to connect with tech-savvy grandchildren.

• Learning Something New — Learning a new skill requires you to interact with a teacher and fellow students. Choose to learn a skill such as cooking or e-mailing, and the skill itself can help enhance your ability to interact socially with others. Local community colleges and city centers offer many courses appropriate for seniors.

• Maintaining Friendships — Studies have found that friendships are often more important than family connections in fighting loneliness among seniors. Make a conscious effort to stay connected with friends by visiting with them in person or keeping in touch by phone, letter or e-mail.

Article courtesy of ARAcontent

Getting Back in the Dating Game

(ARA) – Today, more and more baby boomers are finding themselves single, whether it’s due to divorce, personal choice or other circumstances. This means that an increasing number of these single boomers are dating once again, with up to 70 percent dating on a regular basis according to the AARP. While navigating the dating world can be difficult at any age, it can bring unique challenges and opportunities to baby boomers.

Dr. John Gray, communication and relationships expert and best-selling author of Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, has partnered with BoomerTowne.com, an informational Web site for baby boomers, to provide advice for boomers who are thinking about dating again or who have recently entered into a new relationship.

“Meeting someone new can be an awkward situation, no matter how old you are,” says Dr. Gray. “But dating should be fun, and having a better understanding of the process in relation to your age can help anyone enjoy successful dating experiences.”

Dr. Gray has identified what he refers to as the “five stages of dating,” which help to explain the common relationship phases couples might experience at any age.

• Attraction: This is the time to date around and not hurry into a serious relationship. “At this point, try to have a good time with dating and create a series of positive dating experiences,” says Dr. Gray. “This also lets someone determine what kinds of people he or she might find interesting or stimulating.”

• Uncertainty: Strong feelings could emerge once two people decide they really like each other. This could include feelings of uncertainty. It is important to remember that first doubts can be a normal part of the dating process.

• Commitment: Before two people decide they are going to be in an exclusive relationship they need to discuss their situation. Often one partner believes they have an exclusive relationship, but until they talk about it with their partner, nothing can be certain. Once two people agree to a committed relationship, men begin to relax.

“Men won’t give as much in this stage because they feel like they’ve already done all the work they need to do,” says Dr. Gray. “Women, however, still need to feel

appreciated, and so they tend to give more than they get. This is a mistake and can make women feel resentful.” Men should continue to do little things that will make women feel special, while women need to lead balanced lives and not get completely wrapped up in the relationship. “Think of men as a dessert, not the main course.”

• Intimacy: During this stage, couples open up and share everything. “Couples can often misinterpret one another at this point in the relationship, as they’re usually revealing a lot,” says Dr. Gray. “That’s why it’s important not to rush to this stage.”

• Engagement: This stage can be one of the best times for a couple. It allows them to be fully bonded without having to deal with the burden and responsibilities of sharing a household. “This is the perfect time for a couple to create a lot of positive memories with each other, which will last for many years,” he adds.

Article courtesy of ARA Content

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